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Caribana Conflict Hits New Low
The ongoing argument over the inclusion of voodoo rites into this year’s Festival Caribana has taken a dangerous turn. This week, the Caribbean Community Council announced that it will enforce its ban on the religious rites, “with force if necessary”. CCC leader, Marcus Viana, refused to elaborate on the statement, merely repeating that his organization was determined to prevent the celebration being dominated by “mystic mumbo-jumbo”.
The Caribbean League of Seattle condemned the threat at a press conference this morning. Spokeswoman Sharasta Remakkan stated that the CLS is “prepared to defend our right to participate [in the celebrations], even if we must resort to tough measures.” Remakkan also used the opportunity to introduce the CLS’s newest recruit and supporter, Puyallup-based voodoun practitioner, Lei Osso. Ms. Osso is expected to play a major part in the Caribana celebrations, although CLS declined to specify her exact role.
Excrement Tour Expanded
The London-based thrash-rock band, Excrement, announced that it will be adding two Seattle performances to its upcoming North American tour. Originally scheduled for only three shows in Shiawase Stadium, the band’s manager attributed the expanded performances to record ticket sales.
Earlier this month, tickets for the first three performances sold out within twenty minutes, and organizers expect similar sales for the additional concert dates. Tickets for the two extra performances go on sale at midnight tonight, only at the Shiawase Stadium box office. Resale value of the concert tickets is already expected to exceed 3000¥.
Garibaldi Continues to Struggle
Seattle Mariners star pitcher, Mark Garibaldi, racked up another loss last night, as the team lost 8-1 to the league-leading Edmonton Trappers. Garibaldi gave up seven runs in just six innings before being relieved by José Mao. The reliever was able to hold the Trappers offense just one run, but the Mariner’s were unable to generate any offense to save the game. The team has just two wins in their last twenty games, and has dropped to last place in the North American League.
Last night’s game was Garibaldi’s seventh straight loss and the pitcher has been in a slump since late May. General Manager Pat Burns dismissed rumors that Garibaldi would be sitting on the bench for the upcoming European road trip, expressing his confidence that the star would get “back into the groove” soon.
Sim-Star Found Dead
The body of Sim-Star Charlie Estevez was found last night in his Bellevue penthouse after an emergency call from an unidentified young woman. Police, paramedics and MIBC officials sealed off the scene and report that an investigation is underway. Several unnamed sources suggest that the B-List celebrity may have died from an unintentional drug overdose.
The former star of the hit sim-series, Three-and-a-Half-Elves, and the trideo remake of Young Guns, had fallen on difficult times after several controversial and very public meltdowns. After incidents involving ork hookers, BTL snuff-porn, and rampant substance abuse, MIBC canceled Estevez’s show and ordered the star to attend rehab. Disappearing from public life briefly, the celebrity re-emerged in several Me-Toob netcasts, often engaged in ever-escalating states of debauchery, grandiosity, and substance abuse. His most recent netcast involved several live monkeys, a bottle of olive oil, and an autodoc drone, and included fifteen minutes of the actor ranting about the “great new high” he was experiencing.
The Estevez family, Lone Star and MIBC have not yet released statements.
Governor’s Office Announces Corruption Inquiry
Governor Kenneth Brackhaven announced the start of an independent inquiry into allegations of corruption in his cabinet. The office was rocked by the release of a trideo recording of a cabinet meeting last month that implicated several top caucus members of insider trading and influence peddling. Brackhaven has stated that the inquiry will be given free reign to get to the bottom of the scandal, but he once again reiterated his confidence in his ministers.
Greenwar Spokeswoman Murdered
Prominent Greenwar spokeswoman, Gail Melnzer was killed in the lobby of her apartment building in downtown Seattle this morning. Ms. Melnzer was reportedly shot several times in what witnesses describe as an execution-style scene. Lone Star investigators have not yet released a statement on the incident, although they have confirmed the victim’s identity.
Ms. Melnzer was best known for her advocacy of non-violent means to advance the Eco-Organization’s cause and was one of the movement’s most charismatic leaders. Her outspoken condemnation of the bombing that killed UCAS ministry Claude Chartrand earlier this month brought her into conflict with other factions within Greenwar.
Greenwar spokesperson Valerie Briggs released an official statement from the organization lauding Ms. Melnzer’s contributions to ecological progress and condemning the “Military-Industrial Complex” for her assassination.