Brought to you by: The Purple Onion – Serving your special needs for 8 years
Colleton Narrowly Escapes Assassination Attempt
President Anne Colleton was released from Overbrooke Medical Facility late yesterday after sustaining minor injuries in a failed assassination attempt. Colleton was speaking at an election rally in the Auburn district of Seattle when a gunshot rang out. The bullet apparently hit the teleprompter unit beside the president, showering her with shrapnel. MicroDeck executive and Republican speaking sensation, Paul Simmonds, was standing next to Colleton and reacted instantly, pushing her to the ground and shielding her with his own body. Secret Service officers surrounded the pair just as a second shot rang out, injuring one of the President’s bodyguards. Colleton and Simmonds were quickly removed from the scene as stunned Lone Star officers began to finally move in to control the panicked crowd and tighten the security cordon around the area.
Colleton released a statement this morning, assuring the public that she is well and able to continue her re-election campaign. Simmonds is being hailed as a hero during the crisis, and Colleton has announced that the young man will play an “intricate part” in her cabinet if she wins re-election.
Democratic hopeful, Bartholomew Ogama, gave a press conference late last night, expressing his horror at the assassination attempt, and his relief that President Colleton was not harmed in the incident.
Lone Star officials and Secret Service investigators have told reporters that they have several “persons of interest” in custody. Unofficial sources confirm that Dolman Data Systems employee, Mayumi Daijou, has been arrested and is considered a key suspect in the shooting. Ms. Daijou reportedly has ties to Democratic Party organizations in Seattle. Mitsuhama Computer Technologies, the parent corporation of DDS, has not released a statement on her arrest.
Massacre at Washington University?
University officials and Lone Star investigators are remaining silent about an incident last night at the K-Wing of the Magnuson Health Sciences Building. Witnesses claim to have heard screams and seen explosions of light in the structure around midnight. Multiple emergency vehicles arrived at the scene within the hour and police and security officials quickly cordoned off the area. Several students report seeing paramedics removing mutilated bodies from the scene, but official confirmation has not been forthcoming.
The labs in MHSB were at the center of a controversy after they had been leased to an unnamed corporate customer. There is no word on when the labs will be re-opened to pharmacy students.